Sep. 20th, 2014 10:26 am
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Some asshole decided that my car needed to have one of the windows smashed yesterday.

Nothing was taken and nothing was messed with except for the window on the driver side.

I'm pretty sure who did it but I can't prove it.

It happened in my allotment garden late evning time and now my parents have begged me to not stay there after dark. Fuck you, asshole. I felt completely safe in my garden and now you fucked that up.

I hope you catch a really painful skin disease and that you start bleeding from your orifices.

I think my family is surprised by how calm I've been about it all. But that's because all the anger is on the inside. I'll imagine all the worst things happening to the shitpile and then I'll feel good again. That's how I usually deal with anger.

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I now have 3 chickens in my allotment garden. They don't have names yet so any suggestions would be great :)

I've also had to take in my nieces guinea pigs. My mother is moving and she won't have a place for them at her new place. So they're hanging out at the garden too.

Also, chicken pics!

Chickens! )
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For the last few years I've been dumpster diving (well, sort of, I pick stuff up from the piles of discarded things that the people in my area throw out when the county picks up stuff once a month).

I've gotten quite a lot of awesome stuff out of it. A step machine that I use all the time, wood for my garden projects, isolation material for the garden house, planters, books, a huge doll house and a lot of other stuff. Some of it I just gave to charity shops so the things wouldn't go to waste.

But I've decided I want to do it more often. I'll start driving by the streets that I know will have a trash pick up the next day. I do not dumpster dive for food. Mostly because I don't have to. If I had to in order to get by I would.
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Picked up after the hedge got cut.
Baked buns.
Baked 3 strombolis.
Made 2 lasagna.
Baked 19 muffins.
Picked strawberries in my garden.
Cleaned the hamster cages.
Vacumed the apartment.
Bought groceries.
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I was at my brother's place today because two of his kids were having a joint birthday party.

Twice I tried joining a conversation and was stopped by my mother giving me a clear signal, a fast look of pure disgust and irritation, that I should just shut up.

First conversation was between my two brothers about the floor in my little brother's new apartment. I made a comment about how I'd dealt with the problem in my apartment and got this angry look from my mother. She clearly found me taking part in the conversation to be a huge problem. So I just stopped participating.

The second conversation was my mother talking about how sick one of her friend's husband was. He'd worked with asbestos. She pauses and I simply says, "Yeah, that stuff gets stuck in the lungs." And my mother looked at me in a way I would never even look at a person I hated.

I already have a lot of problems when I have to interact with people in my family. I've always felt like an outsider. And I always feel very awkward at family functions.

I just ended up shutting down. And didn't really say anything for an hour or so. I just sat there and felt awful and every time I did want to say something I just didn't.

My mother has always been moody and never really showed much love towards me or my older siblings. My little brother always seemed to get it showered all over him while the rest of us had to hoard every little scrap she threw us.

I tend to say whatever she wants to hear, even if it means talking about my siblings behind their backs, just to make her happy. Only for it to backfire when she's suddenly changed her mind about something and I echo what she's previously said about it.

I'm always tiptoeing around subjects when I talk with my mother because of her and I've finally decided that I'm done.

There's a reason I'm the only one of her kids that hasn't borrowed money from her and never ever will. There's a reason I never ask for her help with anything. I did ask once, when I had the swine flu and came to her house with a high fever, and asked if she would please walk my dog for maybe just 30 minutes (I almost passed out in the car on the way to her house) and she told me that she really couldn't be bothered. So I walked the dog myself and never again asked for her help. I just really don't want to owe her anything AT ALL.

So I'm done being her echo. If she gossips and speaks badly about people again I'll just tell her I don't really care or that I have no opinion on the subject. She can find a new echo. I'm just done.
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I've been making a mental list of places I'd like to go during my summer break. It'll probably grow but right now it's pretty short.


Skandinavisk Dyrepark


Copenhagen..... not quite sure about this one. It's ridiculously expensive to travel by train/bus in Denmark and the city is very expensive all on its own. Might decide to just use the money on repairing the roof on my garden house instead.
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I'm going to London with my niece this summer (around late July/early August and was wondering if any of you knew about some interesting places worth visiting that aren't the usual tourist-y places.

Like good bookshops, museums, weird shops, restaurants, markets or anything you might recommend.
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It has now rained every day for a week.

And it won't be stopping before Tuesday and then it'll start back up Saturday.

Why?! Mother Nature, why?!!!!!

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I was bullied from kindergarten to 6th grade. Every day at school was hell for 7 years and nothing changed before I moved to another school. Because of the bullying I have a hard time trusting people and forming relationships.

I took me years to realize that the bullies were the ones with the problem. Not me. They needed someone to take their anger out on and they needed to belittle someone to feel like they had at least some power in their lives.

They were emotionally tiny tiny people with low self-esteem. I was the quiet kid that, looking back at things now, probably suffered from aspergers, and I was gentle and an easy victim.

I've seen a few of the kids from my old school and they all looked so strangely small and inconsequential. And I know that most of the people from my class ended up with mediocre lives.

I was reminded about all of this by this video:

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Yesterday I was walking my dog, going home from a dinner at my older brother's, and then it hit me.

I really have a great life.

I smiled like an idiot all the way home.

This past year I've felt a little like I've been forced to drop one dream after another. Especially my dream of owning a house. But once I let that fantasy go everything just sort of fell into place. I feel much more settled and I feel much more in tune with myself.

My focus has shifted from saving money and not letting myself use any to me using money on projects that matter to me.

I'm planning a trip to London with my niece and I'm working seriously on turning my allotment garden into a small piece of paradise.

I've bought plants that I've wanted since I bought the garden but didn't feel like I could use money on. I've spent a lot of money on improving the soil and buying seeds. I even bought a greenhouse.

And I haven't once felt guilty about it.

I used to feel guilty about using money because I wasn't saving it up for my house.

But the truth is that I love my apartment. I love the area I live in and I love my home town. I really don't want to be living somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. And if I was to buy a house it would have had to be outside of town in order for me to afford it.
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Right now I'm watching a documentary about 3 couples who, instead of having kids, have a monkey. A monkey they get when it's a baby and then raise it as a human child.

Am I the only one who can see where this madness is going?
Faces being bitten and sad depressed monkeys!

Monkeys aren't humans, they need different social hierarchies and emotional relationships than humans. Stop dressing them in frilly dresses! Stop saying that you get mad when people call your monkey a monkey because she's your daughter! Its a FUCKING monkey!



Stop molesting the poor animal!


OH! Fuck you humans! They just went out to show the baby monkey's mother her baby for the last time before this weirdo couple take it away. And they are honestly surprised when the mother monkey freaks out.

Sometimes I just hate humans *sighs*

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There's a really creepy guy driving around my home town in a red station car. He's trying to trick kids into his car. He offers them money if they'll just get in. And let's be honest here, it's only a matter of time before he manages to kidnap a child.

All the kids are worried about it and all the schools have warned the parents.

But he'll either get caught or he'll snap and just grab a kid off the street.
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Finally found the breed of chickens I want in my garden.

They have to be small and have a calm temperament.

So I'm looking for sabelpoot chickens. They weigh less than a kilo (2 pounds) and easily get tame.


They look so FABULOUS with their fancy feet feathers. I'm hoping to get them in a couple of different colours so I can tell them apart.
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My mother is about to sell her house. So she checked out how long it would take to get to rent a house through the local housing association.

7 years.

I'd be on a waiting list for SEVEN years.

There goes my dream of renting a house... because even if I was on the waiting list, they let people who already live in a building in their
housing association get it first.

So I've been reassessing what I want to do. I've checked out the local owner's market in my area in my price range.

And the conclusion is that I just don't have the money to get a house. Not now and even if I saved up for 5-7 years I'd still not have enough to pay for a decent house. The houses I can buy are all sold as condemned houses, where you're really just buying the land because the house itself is falling apart.

So my focus has slowly shifted to making my apartment work better for me and making plans for my garden.

As far as my apartment goes I'll:
- make it more homey
- make room for my hobbies
- focus on house plants and trying out now things.
- check out what putting new flooring in the bedroom and living room would cost.
- get a price on what it would cost to get windows up and closing off my balcony.
- find out what it costs to install a fake fireplace with a build in heater.

As far as the garden goes I'll:
- put new roof on the main house.
- have chickens.
- build a green house.
- buy more fruit trees.

As far as my personal life goes:
- learn that using some of my money is okay (I tend to feel guilty)
- go on vacation alone or with someone (haven't been on a trip for 10 years)
- find some courses at the local schools I want to take.
- get more involved with the local community.
- use more time on my hobbies.
- keep applying for new interesting jobs.
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I just got this comment on my AO3 account where someone read Pet:

"Such a great story be 'seemingly' and intelligent writer. So, why :“Don’t sweat it, man. Look…this proves that he can protect himself,” Gunn grinned “And even if he had to kick my black ass for us to find out that’s gotta be good news.”???

Why the racism?? You seem well rounded. Why the small mindedness? Here you abuse your power - publishing a story on this website - and indenting your nasty, racist view. It doesn't matter what on says about themselves. One doesn't represent all. And if Gunn ever said that on the show, that gives you no license to insult readers that way. Seems, you were just looking for an excuse to be vile."

So I sat my vile racist ass down and answered:


It's obvious that nothing I can say will make you change your mind about how very very racist you seem to think I am.

Being of mixed race myself I can only laugh at you presuming that I am a racist. But I will point out that it is Gunn that refers to himself as black and no one else. You can not seriously tell me that no black man has ever called himself black.

Also it seems that mostly Americans find the term black offensive. In the UK it isn't seen as a big racist word. Neither is it seen as racist in Denmark where I live.

If you want to label me as nasty or racist or both that's your right. It isn't true and by your comment, where you presume the worst without even asking first, I'm pretty sure you won't change your mind no matter what I say.

So you can think what ever you want to about me. I honestly don't care. If the word black offends you then you must get offended a lot and very easily.

I'll just go write some more nasty vile racist fiction and abuse my great power."

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I was at a house and crafts fair and I see a booth that sells sewing machine. They have a competition where you can win a new expensive sewing machine. I figure "what the hell I might win" so I sit down and start filling out the paper slip for the competition. One of the saleswomen comes over and this happens.

Woman: Do you have a sewing machine at home?
Me: Oh, yes! I just bought one. A singer. *I'm very obviously happy about my sewing machine*
Woman: Really. What model?
Me: it was the Singer Simple.
Woman: *mockingly* I bet it's very simple. What did you pay for it?
Me: 1000 kroner (185$)
Woman: Well, I wouldn't call that a sewing machine.
Me: No *I'm getting pissed off now* But you buy what you can afford.
Woman: I guess so but I bet it can't sew in denim.
Me: I just fixed a pair of jeans so it can.
Woman: But not without helping it. See, this one here *points at the machine in front of me* costs this *she plops down a plastic price sign in front of me that says 5600 kroner (1030$)*
Me: That's a lot of money.
Woman: But yours can't write letters can it?
Me: No, but it works and it's paid for. *I get up and leave*

I'm really happy about my new sewing machine and she just had to shit all over that. Bitch.
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It funny how we so easily conform to tradition and how things are supposed to look.

Take my dining room table and the four chairs that came with it.

I live alone and eat alone and more or less never have anyone around. I still have all 4 chairs taking up room in my tiny apartment. Because you're supposed to have 4 chairs in a dining room set.

Today it hit me that really I only needed 2 chairs and not 4.

That took me from 2007 to now to realise. I'm face palming so hard right now.
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So there's been some problems with the substitute teachers' pay checks.

Hours have been missing and tax deductions have been wrong. I've made sure to tell other substitute teachers to check their pay check and double check so they'll get paid what they should.

Today I told a substitute teacher to check his pay check, just to make sure he wouldn't have to pay a lot back in taxes at the end of the year because of the mistakes made by our employer. Just before we were going back to class I just wanted to tell him that, if he needed it, I'd be happy to print out the instructions, about how to fix the problems, that our supervisor had mailed me.

Me: So if you check it I could...
Asshat: I get it, you don't have to tell me.
Me: I just wanted to help.
Ass hat: Just don't talk to me about it any more.
Me: Okay... *at this point I have no idea what the hell is going on* I just wanted to offer...
Ass hat: I don't want you to talk to me about it.
Me: Okay. Don't worry. I'll never speak to you again. *walks off to class*

What an asshole!

I will never speak to him again. I will go out of my way to not talk to him. If, by some unfortunate mistake, we have to teach class together I'll only say what is absolutely necessary. I wouldn't want to disturb his precious personal space.
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All these blogs, by women blogging about their perfect organic homes and perfect biodynamic children while drinking fairtrade tea from beautiful china, are getting on my nerves.

I don't get what people get out of reading those blogs. Perfection is boring. Especially when it's all peppered with sepia photos of their new patchwork blanket thingy that they had the time to make because they're stay-at-home-moms who home-school their kids. (God forbid their precious babies were tainted by the real world and other real kids that don't live in perfect homes with perfect parents.)

I might barf...


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